I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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