im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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