farters have to be the big spoon...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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