i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
