Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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