So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
