I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
