i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
