Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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