I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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