This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
