carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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