my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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