Christians are straight up FREAKS
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I fill condoms, not promises.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize