I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
