dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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