We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize
