OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dear god my vagina.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
