ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize