Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
