It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
