I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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