ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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