Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
