It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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