I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize