my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
