You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
