his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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