butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
