you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
