But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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