I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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