Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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