My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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