Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
