Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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