So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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