can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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