did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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