i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize