Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
