dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize