You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
