I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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