listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
