I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
