Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
