Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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