Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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