you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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