why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
