look no pants
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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