Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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