Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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