I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
