it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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