This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize