Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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