Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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