You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
