two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
