I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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