New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
