I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
