you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
