He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
