I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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