So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize