I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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