Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it glows. i had to have it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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