I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
