I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
