dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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