She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
