the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
