Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
