He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize