i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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