Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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