tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
pop tarts are not kleenex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
