He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
