if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Damn victory sex feels great
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
