ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize