She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
