so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
