Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Acid is not a monday night drug
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
