my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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