I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize