Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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