4 words: hood of his car
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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