she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
