I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
