I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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