She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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