remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
