i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
