Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
