i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the day after is always just damage control
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
