his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
