she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
