Can i not drive my cunt home
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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