I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
