nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
